i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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