just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
