Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
