I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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