i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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