I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
