someone owes me an orgasm
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
