Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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