This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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