A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
