it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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