I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
