dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
