Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
