3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
