I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
