Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
