I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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