Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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