I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
