I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
