Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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