I hate your face
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
