I'm drive I can fine osifer
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
