I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
