I faked an abortion last night.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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