well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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