is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
