Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
