Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
