i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
