do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
