It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
