I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
