We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
