im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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