i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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