Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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