Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
