How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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