we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
