Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
