Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
