i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
