good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the day after is always just damage control
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
