shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
