Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
