it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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