Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
