Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
