he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
