i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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