Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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