just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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